"Guys like a Rules Girl, they just don't want it to be because she read a book."
— OPRAH WINFREY
How do dating rules promote healthy relationships?
A woman in love can easily get caught up in details — Would he like me better as a blonde? How can I give him unforgettable sex? — and lose sight of the big picture: He is disrespectful toward me; He doesn’t truly love me. Magazines and dating experts are constantly telling us to “maintain healthy boundaries” with men. But what does that actually look like? Are there boundaries that you should be enforcing that you’re not even aware of? And are you walking the talk, or do men see right away that you don’t really expect them to treat you like the unique and precious being that you are.
The Rules provide us with simple behavior modeling. Eventually, the behaviors become second nature and you're no longer "doing The Rules" — you're just relaxed, confident, and receptive only to healthy love.
Why do smart women need dating and relationship rules?
Because we over-think relationships and men. That “washing machine” of worry in your head can finally quiet down when you know exactly which rules work for you.
"I've spent almost 20 years studying dating and relationship rules. You really can use The Rules in a way that is authentic and emotionally nourishing."
Why do successful, independent women need dating rules?
The hustle and energy that attracts career success might bring you short-term entanglements (non-relationships), but it hardly ever leads to long-term romance. Be a proactive opportunity-seeker at work, and leave the warrior spirit at the office or the gym.
Did you know that you are more likely to attract a quality match if you dial down your energy and adopt a more relaxed approach to dating?
What are 'The Rules'?
The official rules of dating are collected in the best-selling relationship book, The Rules, by authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. If you are a Rules Girl, welcome! If you're new to The Rules, aren't familiar with the book, or aren't even sure you agree with its dating philosophy—no worries. I talk about my own introduction to The Rules in this interview with Epic Love.
The Rules will fully charge your "healthy relationship" radar, to help point you in the right direction in any situation. Over time, with daily practice, The Rules can help you train your heart to respond only to men who make you feel safe and sound, and to instinctively reject a hot-and-cold, emotional roller-coaster.
Maintaining healthy boundaries in your relationships is a life choice. If you're just "playing games" you may turn off the very men you wish to attract. I believe that you must always be authentic and real to attract healthy love, and I incorporate many complementary strategies into my approach. Read more about keeping it real with The Rules here. Don't give up—over time, any woman can put healthy boundaries in place in every part of her life.
You have to keep it real to unlock your inner Dream Girl. If you're just "playing games" you may turn off the very men you wish to attract.
Why do men marry Rules Girls?
Because we relate to men in a way they truly desire. And because following the right rules ensures that men respect you from the very first hello.
Aren’t rules made to be broken?
Not if they reflect your authentic self — that beautiful, fiery essence inside every woman — and allow you to be relaxed and confident with men.
Most importantly, The Rules show us how to create a healthy dynamic in dating that will then carry over into marriage. It's a foundation of mutual respect. In a healthy relationship, you feel that you are enough, just as you are; your partner isn't going to reject you just because you've gained a little weight, lost your job, or become ill. When life gets tough, you know you have each others' backs. That is a Rules marriage.
If a man's love is conditional, and you feel it could be taken away at any moment that you "disappoint" him or are less than perfect, stop dating him. That is not the foundation for a healthy marriage.
Why would I need a "coach" for dating?
It is very difficult to change old patterns and adopt new, healthier behaviors. While friends and family may want to support us, they don't always know how. Maybe some aspect of your behavior or attitude is unintentionally driving good guys out of your life, but your friends feel it's kinder to say "you're perfect just as you are" or "the right man will love you as is."
Your friends are right: You are perfect and deserving of love. But you may not yet know how to reveal the best version of yourself on dates and in romantic relationships. This is where an experienced coach can guide you in the right direction and support you through challenging situations. Good coaching helps you make important shifts in how you attract and relate to men — without altering who you are. Be yourself, only better.
I've spent almost 20 years studying and living The Rules. I can help you date for marriage and lasting love, as well. Aside from spending time with my husband and children, nothing gives me greater pleasure than helping my clients find the love they deserve. Explore my dating and relationship blog, check out my FREE newsletter, and let's connect on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter. Book a private consultation when you're ready to attract lasting, healthy love.
I look forward to hearing your story!