Isn’t Valentine’s Day just one day out of the year? It’s how he behaves on the other 364 days that matters, right?
Valentine’s Day is over. As the dust settles, you can clearly see where you stand with your guy. Maybe too clearly, if your experience was kind of blah. Should you care? Are you over-reacting? Isn’t Valentine’s Day just one day out of the year? It’s how behaves on the other 364 days that matters, right?
You may be surprised to know that the amount of effort your man puts into Valentine’s Day, your birthday, or any other special day, speaks volumes about how much he values his relationship with you. Are you The One he has fantasies about marrying? (It’s true, guys really do look forward to putting a ring on it when they want you.) Or do you suspect you are only his good-enough-for-now option? If he doesn’t go all out and demonstrate his love for you on Valentine’s Day, he is sending you a message that you are only an option to him—not his priority. Don’t waste time on any man who ditches you on Valentine’s Day. Break up with him—today. Even if you’ve only been casually dating, this is your signal to start seeing others.
Consider this quote from Massachusetts-based LCSW, Measue Liotta. She confirms that men skimp—or skip out—on Valentine’s Day when they’ve come to realize their girlfriend is NOT the woman they want to spend that special day with: “It’s harder to fake it on these holidays when we want to be truly in love; harder to lie to ourselves when things don't feel right or true during these should-be-blissful times.” Just as women don’t want to have to “fake it” in the bedroom, men feel uncomfortable faking romantic attachment. They’d rather downplay the holiday or avoid you entirely.
Here’s a pop quiz. Which of these gifts is a true expression of love?
A. Red Swarovski crystal heart necklace
B. White porcelain pig
Without more information, we might automatically pick “A”—the heart pendant. But here’s the thing. This is an actual Valentine’s gift one of my clients, Sandy, received from a former boyfriend who wasn’t that into her. He gave the necklace to her at breakfast, as he was heading out to spend the day with his buddies. If you’ve ever walked through a Macy’s on February 13th you’ve seen stacks and stacks of these identical necklaces, piled near the exits; all he had to do was throw a credit card at the cashier and hop back outside to his train. If he’d wanted to spend that special day with Sandy, and create a romantic experience for her, the necklace would have been a fine gift. But in this case, the pendant was just a crumb, tossed her way without much emotion.
The porcelain pig is the gift that Sandy received this year, from her fiancé (a different man). Sandy is of Irish descent and had inherited a collection of porcelain figures from her late mother. The figures were all made in the same Irish foundry and are finished in a distinctive white glaze; the set includes several farm animals. Shortly after they started dating, she mentioned to her guy that she would someday like to complete the set with a Belleek pig. Her fiancé is a bit of a guy’s guy — antiquing took him way out of his comfort zone. But he had listened to her closely, remembered her story, and did the legwork to find the perfect piece for her collection. There was no way he would have missed spending Valentine’s Day with her, enjoying the results of his quest.
So pay more attention to what your man does than what he says. Men are pretty clear about their intentions. If he’d rather hang with his crew on special days, he is sending you a signal about where you stand. Don’t settle for fake romance. Hold out and move on...to find the real thing.
Robyn Wahlgast is a Rules Certified Dating and Relationship Coach for Women, and a happily married mother of three. Need advice about your own relationship? Consider booking a private consultation with Robyn. Never miss a new blog post: subscribe to our FREE newsletter.
ROBYN ORIGINALLY CREATED THIS ARTICLE, WITH LOVE, FOR MICHAEL FIORE'S DIGITAL ROMANCE.