The special ingredient your guy needs in order to commit to you.
It’s spring, and love is in the air. More specifically, the song Sugar by Maroon 5, is in the airwaves, playing almost continuously.
For single women struggling to understand What Men Want, the lyrics to this song provide a crystal-clear answer:
I'm hurting, baby, I'm broken down
I need your loving, loving
I need it now
When I'm without you
I'm something weak
You got me begging, begging
I'm on my knees
I don't wanna be needing your love
I just wanna be deep in your love
And it's killing me when you're away, ooh, baby,
'Cause I really don't care where you are
I just wanna be there where you are
And I gotta get one little taste
Sure, the singer's “need” is partly about sex—that’s what most of us hear in these lyrics. But if you think that’s all there is to it, you may want to take a fresh look at how men experience love and romance. Men have a deep longing to be accepted and respected—that's the real source of sweetness in the song.
Here’s the back story: Maroon 5 lead singer, Adam Levine, began dating Victoria’s Secret model Behati Prinsloo in 2012. The relationship lasted about a year, they broke up, and he then began dating another beautiful 20-something Victoria’s Secret model, Nina Agdal. However, Levine continued to stay in touch with Prinsloo. According to US Weekly, "After Adam broke up with Behati, he couldn't stop thinking about her....He realized he really loved her and wanted to be with her….He knew he wanted to propose."
This is a classic example of a man needing a little space and distance to connect with his deeper feelings. (And a reminder that if the man you are dating is cozying up to his ex, you should break up with him immediately and move on—because he obviously hasn’t.)
So what was so special about Behati Prinsloo that made one of the world's most eligible bachelors, Adam Levine, so sure he wanted to marry her? (Their wedding took place in 2014, about two years after they first began dating.)
For one thing, Prinsloo is a Rules Girl. She confidently and serenely allowed Levine to lead her into deeper commitment when he was ready.
But also, it is clear that she gives Levine that "sugar" that men need so desperately, in order to bond with and commit to a woman.
So, how can you satisfy this need in your man, and make him truly addicted to your love and companionship?
5 Tips For Making Him Crave Commitment With You
5. Desire him. “Sex” is what you were thinking at the beginning of this post, and of course it belongs on our list. Sure, men love it when we enjoy heart-pounding, enthusiastic lovemaking. But a big part of that is showing that you really are turned on by him and appreciate him as a Man. That's not something that begins and ends in the bedroom. When you connect strongly with your own femininity you help him find the joy in his masculinity; he feels accepted as he is.
4. Trust him. One of the greatest gifts we give a man is our vulnerability—that wide-eyed acceptance that lets him know you see him as a good guy. If you’re single, assume your date will be a gentleman and that he knows how to treat you right. Your attitude of positive expectations will go further than actually telling him what to do. If you’re in a relationship, give him his freedom to do “guy stuff” or just go off and do things without you. (If you truly don’t trust him because he repeatedly disappoints you, he’s not your Mr. Right. Break up and move on.)
3. Appreciate him—for all that he does, for who he is, and for the mission he has chosen to embrace. Did I surprise you with the “mission” part? All men are on some kind of quest, even if they don’t broadcast it. It may or may not have to do with his job. It may be centered around a hobby or interest that you, at first glance, think is unimportant. If you don’t already know, find out what your man’s mission is and make sure you openly appreciate his commitment to it.
2. Make him feel like a winner. Sometimes the very men who rack up win after win at work end up feeling like losers at home or in their dating lives. You want him to associate you with a feeling of winning—something all men, regardless of personality type, really do crave—if you want the relationship to progress. Smile and say thank you in a genuine way when he tries to please you. (And when a man loves you, his biggest win comes from pleasing you.)
1. Respect him. Respect is number one because it is central to a man’s self-esteem and well-being. And it’s something you have to show, through your actions, for him to view as sincere. For example, loyalty is an important component of respect; that means never belittling or mocking his views, preferences, abilities, or interests—not in private and certainly not in public. You are a team, and team members have each others’ backs. You don’t have to agree with everything he says—that wouldn’t be genuine or realistic—but agree to disagree in a respectful manner. Finally, understand that for a man, how you dress and present yourself is a sign of how much you respect him. Be the woman he loves showing off and is proud to be seen with.
Remember, sugar doesn’t stop once you cross the altar together. In fact, married men have an even deeper need for a daily dose. Life is filled with challenges and he needs some sweetness from you to help him through. Trust me: he will repay you in countless ways if you make the effort to give it to him.
Robyn Wahlgast is a Rules Certified Dating and Relationship Coach for Women. If you're online dating (or thinking about it) read How To Have An Awesome First Date With An Online Guy for road-tested tips and advice. If you're curious about The Rules, find out how to rock The Rules your own way and why reading The Rules book just might change your life. Never miss a new blog post: subscribe to our FREE newsletter.