Keep It Light And Breezy
If you Google phrases like “flirting tips” and “how to flirt” you’ll pull up over 40 million articles on this topic alone. Why do so many people believe that being able to flirt well is an important part of the mating game?
In part, it has to do with the personality traits that a master flirt projects:
- Poised / Confident
Those are universally attractive and entrancing qualities, practically guaranteeing a second, third, and fourth date. But what if, instead, you feel:
- Stressed out
Not a very light and breezy mindset, right? But don’t despair: you don’t have to wait until you feel relaxed and recharged in order to get your flirt on. And if you consider yourself "shy" I have great news: shyness is an extremely flirtatious quality in a woman.
TIP: Being shy is an extremely flirtatious quality in a woman.
If that sounds unbelievable, it may because you’ve read one of those 40 million other articles on flirting, most of which mistakenly confuse flirtation with…well…desperately drawing attention to yourself in order to spark interest. Here are popular examples of really bad flirting tips aimed at women:
- Spill your drink on a man, ask him a silly question, or ask for his help. Basically, get in his face so he's sure to notice you;
- “Accidentally” press your body against him or otherwise use direct physical touch;
- Banter with him, using sexually-charged language, whether in person or via text.
You may be relieved to know that a true man magnet would not be caught dead doing any of those things. In fact, you don’t need to stretch outside the bounds of “nice girl” socializing in order to engage with others flirtatiously; world-class flirting is much more subtle.
Stick to my definition of flirting, and you'll always be elegant and appropriate. A great flirt wears feminine, form-fitting clothing, always smells wonderful, and lets her date order for her, open doors, and take the lead in conversational topics. Being ladylike, in general, is flirtatious.
TIP: Being ladylike, in general, is flirtatious.
It telegraphs that you know your date is a man and you are behaving differently with him than you would with a pack of girlfriends. That is the essence of flirting — revealing your most feminine side with a member of the opposite sex.
Follow these 5 guidelines and you will embody the innocence and childlike playfulness of a truly world-class flirt. High-impact flirting is always:
1. Mysterious — Let him wonder about you. Could he ever win you over? Your feelings should be deliciously unclear.
2. Without a set goal — Never flirt to get something, such a man’s time or attention; that’s begging, and ultimately comes across as desperate. Simply enjoy the encounter as one of life’s simple pleasures. If he wants to take it further, then let him find a way to do so.
3. Tasteful — Accomplished flirting can always take place in daylight, in full view of your nosy neighbors, your boss, or even your children.
4. Mostly non-verbal — The most memorable encounters you will ever have make good use of soft eye contact and a lower, more intimate tone of voice. (He may move further into your personal space or reach out to touch your arm, while speaking.) A bland conversation about the weather can be an effective backdrop for non-verbal flirtation.
5. Affirming — By “affirming” I don’t mean that your goal is to impersonate a therapist or act like his mom. But a man should feel energized and awakened through his interaction with you — like he is Superman. The experience should be positive. Some women mistakenly believe that they should take the opposite approach and “stir up” a guy with banter and jokey comments. Aggressively baiting him may give him the idea that you’re a hot little spitfire looking for action, but you’ve lost your aura of innocence and a chance to be more than a superficial interest. Likewise, bitter or negative teasing can land you in the friends-with-benefits zone.
TIP: Don't pass up opportunities to be social just because you feel low-energy. Flirt my way and you'll charm him without effort.
If the thought of going on yet another first date with an online guy sounds exhausting, it may be because you're trying too hard to connect with or entertain your dates. Instead, flirt my way and you'll charm him without effort.
Finally, don’t think of flirting as a way to approach a man — ALWAYS leave the initial approach to him. The very essence of flirtatiousness is that it doesn’t necessarily lead anywhere. A master flirt isn’t interested in a specific outcome — she just lives in the moment. Flirting is like breathing to her, and it is her light and breezy way that draws others to her.
Robyn Wahlgast is a Rules Certified Dating and Relationship Coach for Women. Need advice about your own dating situation? Consider booking a private consultation with Robyn. Never miss a new blog post: subscribe to our FREE newsletter.
ROBYN ORIGINALLY CREATED THIS ARTICLE, WITH LOVE, FOR THE WELLNESS UNIVERSE.