How do dating rules promote healthy relationships?
A woman in love can easily get caught up in details — Would he like me better as a blonde? How can I give him unforgettable sex? — and lose sight of the big picture: He is disrespectful toward me... He doesn’t truly love me. Dating experts are constantly telling us to “maintain healthy boundaries” with men. But what does that actually look like? Are there boundaries that you should be enforcing that you’re not even aware of? And are you walking the talk, or do men see right away that you don’t really expect them to treat you like the unique and precious being that you are.
"Guys like a Rules Girl, they just don't want it to be because she read a book."
— OPRAH WINFREY
The Rules provide us with simple behavior modeling. Eventually, the behaviors become second nature and you're no longer "doing The Rules" — you're just relaxed, confident, and receptive only to healthy love.
Why do smart women need dating and relationship rules?
Because we over-think relationships and men. That “washing machine” of worry in your head can finally quiet down when you know exactly how to relate to a man in a way that inspires him to cherish you.
You don't have to be basic to be a Rules Girl.
"I've spent over 20 years studying dating and relationship strategies. You really can use The Rules in a way that is authentic and emotionally nourishing."
No man says, "I'm obsessed with her—she is so generic." Or: "I must have her—she is virtually interchangeable with all of her friends." There is no magic in simply fitting in.
FROM BEAUTY BRANDS
Why do successful, independent women need dating rules?
The hustle and energy that attracts career success might bring you short-term entanglements (non-relationships), but it hardly ever leads to long-term romance. Be a proactive opportunity-seeker at work, but leave the warrior spirit at the office or on the yoga mat.
Did you know that you are more likely to attract a quality match if you dial down your energy and adopt a more relaxed approach to dating?
What are 'The Rules'?
The official rules of dating are collected in the best-selling relationship book, The Rules, by authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. If you are a Rules Girl, welcome! If you're new to The Rules, aren't familiar with the book, or aren't even sure you agree with its dating philosophy— no worries. Check out my Top 5 Tips on doing The Rules, where I reveal the secrets behind attracting the most desirable men. (Hint: you don't have to be basic to do The Rules right.)
TIP: Your feminine vulnerability unlocks a man's loving, protective side. A man simply can't fall in love with you if he doesn't first feel protective toward you. The Rules allow women to be both authentically vulnerable and emotionally safe.
Strong boundaries allow you to connect deeply with a man while remaining emotionally safe.
FROM ASTRID & MIYU
Fully charge your Relationship Radar.
The Rules will fully charge your "healthy relationship" radar, to point you in the right direction in any situation. Over time, with daily practice, The Rules can help you train your heart to respond only to men who make you feel safe and sound, and to instinctively reject a hot-and-cold, emotional roller-coaster.
Maintaining healthy boundaries in your relationships is a life choice. If you're just "playing games" you may turn off the very men you wish to attract. I believe that you must always be authentic and real to attract healthy love, and I incorporate many complementary strategies into my approach. (In fact, as important as The Rules are, they are really just Step 1 in terms of understanding men and relationships!) Read more about keeping it real with The Rules here. Don't give up—over time, any woman can put healthy boundaries in place in every part of her life.
When you do The Rules right, they're just part of who you are.
You have to keep it real to unlock your inner Dream Girl. If your mindset doesn't match your actions, men can feel turned off by you without understanding why. Unfortunately, there are men who look for those weaknesses and exploit them. Meanwhile, quality guys — emotionally mature and giving — will pass right by.
"Real men don't love b*tches. But we'll sleep with one if she's hot. ;)"
— Mike (age 37)
If you find you attract the wrong kind of men, then you need to work on keeping it classy and real when you're out on dates. You may be missing the right kind of vulnerability — and the poise that comes from being at peace with who you are.
Why do men marry Rules Girls?
Because we relate to men in a way they truly desire. And because following the rules ensures that men respect you from the very first hello.
Aren’t rules made to be broken?
Not if they reflect your authentic self — that beautiful, fiery essence inside every woman — and allow you to be relaxed and confident with men.
Marriage is just the beginning. It's the start of your romantic life together.
Many of my single clients have been married before — sometimes more than once. They know that a diamond ring doesn't guarantee a lifetime of happiness.
The Rules show us how to create a healthy dynamic in dating that will then carry over into marriage. It's a foundation of mutual respect. In a healthy relationship, you feel that you are enough, just as you are; your partner isn't going to reject you just because you've gained a little weight, lost your job, or become ill. When life gets tough, you know you have each others' backs. That is a Rules marriage.
If a man's love is conditional, and you feel it could be taken away at any moment that you "disappoint" him or are less than perfect, stop dating him. That is not the foundation for a healthy marriage.
Why would I need a "coach" for dating?
It is very difficult to change old patterns and adopt new, healthier behaviors. While friends and family may want to support us, they don't always know how. Maybe some aspect of your behavior or attitude is unintentionally driving good guys out of your life, but your friends feel it's kinder to say "you're perfect just as you are" or "the right man will love you as is."
Your friends are right: You are perfect and deserving of love. But you may not yet know how to reveal the best version of yourself on dates and in romantic relationships. This is where an experienced coach can guide you in the right direction and support you through challenging situations. Good coaching helps you make important shifts in how you attract and relate to men — without altering who you are. Be yourself, only better.
READ NEXT: ROBYN'S TOP 5 TIPS ON DOING 'THE RULES'
I've spent over 20 years studying and living The Rules. I can help you date for marriage and lasting love, as well. Aside from spending time with my husband and children, nothing gives me greater pleasure than helping my clients find the love they deserve. Explore my dating and relationship blog, check out my FREE newsletter, and let's connect on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter. Book a private consultation when you're ready to attract lasting, healthy love.
I look forward to hearing your story!